Thursday, October 3, 2013

Perfected Confessions from a Photo-a-holic

I'm a pretty easy going person not super high strung person.  My husband laughs at me when I claim to be easy going.  I squint my eyes at him.  But considering how much I feel inside and the standards I hold myself to I feel like I am easy going... Chris says that sentence proves I'm not.  So instead I claim that for me I am easy going... I love sentences like that: no one can argue the point!  Which of course means I am right... yea, I'm pretty sure I just prove Chris right with that statement.

I am who I am... warts and all.  It has brought me here... where ever here is.  I am in love with photography.  I mean it.  I love the beauty of a moment... and so I dove head first into the idea of making my love into a living.  So in that way I guess it is good that I'm not as easy going as I would like to believe... I push myself each day but at the same time I feel like were I easier going I would happier with my results.  

I have been taking pictures for years but only have been building up my technique focused in wedding photography for the last 5 years.  I only opted for even the idea of trying to start down the path of trying to make this a living for the last three years ago.  I am steps down this path... and I love each moment of it.  I love each couple I have been fortunate enough to get to know and love yet I don't ever seem to be as far as I want to be.

I love getting to know a couple... I love helping them relax and just be.  My favorite thing in the world is showing them how beautiful they really are.  It is the most amazing thing to walk away from a wedding or engagement session with them really getting a glimpse at the fabulous that I see... that is them.  Yet I struggle to see it in myself.  Why is that?  Why are we always so hard on ourselves?  Why is enough never enough?  Why do we feel like we are on our own all the time?  Maybe I am alone in all of this but I really doubt it... nothing new under the sun and all but I often feel that way.  I feel like an adolescent sometimes.  You know what I am talking about "no one understands me"... how we lie to ourselves... 

Today I choose to love where I am... I choose to focus on where I have been instead of where I am not.  Oh, it will be hard but who said life would be easy.  Somehow it would be less beautiful were it easy... as twisted as that is.

Live. Love. Loud.

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