I had friends all while growing up who struggled with finding their identity in boys or felt terrible about themselves when they were told something negative. I could sympathize but not empathize... or is it the other way round ( I always get those messed up: I felt for them but didn't understand the feeling). As the years have passed since those wonderful days of youth when you think you know everything... and still linger depending on the day :D I came to fully understanding the "feeling" of self doubt.
I have mentioned it before but years ago, when I first started this journey into making a business for myself out of what I loved, I put myself out there for help and got really hurt. I tried to grow from the process asking the person to specifically tell me all that she hated about me and my work and she said that there was no place to begin... it was all just too much. I shut down for a week. I didn't touch my camera. I didn't blog. I didn't talk about it. I just continued on with life like nothing happened... but my world changed that day.
Since then I struggle with extreme amounts of self doubt centered around my photography and my ability. I forget it all the moment I am with a client. I love being with people. I love making them relax in front of the camera. Getting to know them and love them... it is what fills my heart. Enough so that legit: a secret past time of mine is going to Walmart to talk to and laugh with their employees. I figure if I can get them to have a better day then anything is possible!
So my confession for today:
My stomach churns, my hands shake, I search over pictures, act out poses, force my husband to give critiques, I think through things I might say, I check and recheck my equipment... I am SUPREMELY nervous before every shoot!
Live. Love. Loud.