Thursday, November 14, 2013

Confessions: A love letter edition

Words mean a lot.  "Sticks and stones..." Never has a lie been bigger than that old rhyme.

For most of my life I was tough.  I didn't connect.  I didn't share.  Yea, I get the irony that I know share my heart, soul and dream openly on the web.  But as a child I was terrified that someone might know what I was thinking or feeling.  You can ask my siblings: I never cried.  Never.  If I cried I was severely hurt physically.

(Hawaii is beautiful but I do miss the changing leaves)

My life changed.  Obviously.  It was all so much change and oh so quickly.  The on set was two things that boil down to one.  I opened myself up.  I was raised in a baptist/christian home but I didn't believe.  When I was in the final year of my college I decided I wanted to try and figure out the truth... you know the big truth... the why?  My journey was long and filled with many a night filled with angry cursing.  In the end I found peace.  Peace that I can't fully explain other than a fleeting comparison to being wrapped in a warm blanket after playing in the snow.  My warm blanket: God.  (If you want the longer version let me know and I would love to drink some type of pumpkin beverage and share our lives together).

Along side of God I found Chris.  These two things forced me to open myself up.  Which has been great for so many reasons but one bad one: I now get hurt. To be fair I never lived as fully as I do now but neither did I hurt... or at least not as deeply.  It has been since this transition that I have discovered so fully how words of a moment can wound forever.

This is true in all aspects of life but all too often I see a disregard to words in my field of photography.  When is started off and was trying to get my foot not even in the door but maybe on the way to the path to the door I got deeply hurt by a fellow photographer.  It is a long sad story that ends in the same as any other "bully" story.

I share this because though you hurt in the moment don't take those words to heart.  If there is something for you to learn from take it but if there isn't accept the Jasmine truth "People throw rocks at things that shine".

I encourage you to breath deep.  Cry if you need to.  Then pick yourself up.  "Sadness is easier because its surrender. I say make time to dance alone with one hand waving free." (Elizabethtown)  And I do mean this literally... I best see some pics proving it too!

The other part of this post: take a moment before you state thing, post things... make sure you don't have a rock in your hand.  I find myself having to check myself.  Feeling defensive or territorial... who am I?  I am here to love.  And love is what I will do... that and dance!

Live. Love. Loud. 

1 comment: