Thursday, April 24, 2014

Confession: free who you are

Nerves working for you | Working what you got | Raleigh wedding photography My palms are sweaty, my heart is beating too fast for the stationary position I am in as I look over my equipment again.  Idea boards are up and have been scanned more than a few times.  My car is packed, warmed and I'm still a bit of nerves.  I do a final shake of my head and I pull out to make my way to the shoot.

I don't quite get it but I swear it is almost like each wedding is my first.  I get so nervous.  Even when  each of my weekends it taken up by weddings I never seem to get settled.  I'm nervous and a bit scared before each.  I sit in my car, take a few deep breaths and a say a prayer before I set off for the day.  Once I'm in te mix of things the nerves take a back burner.  I'm busy and in the zone.  You only have so much time but nothing can be forgotten.




I don't quite get it.  I really thought at some point the nerves would abate.  That one day I would just wake up with all the swagger in the world, I visualized myself as Gaston from Beauty and the Beast... only more friendly.  The nerves work for me.  At this point I think I would get nervous about not feeling nervous.  It is like is a part of the routine/process.

I was scared to share my "nerves" with other people, photographers especially, because I figured they would see it as a rookie move but I was reading years ago about a few other famous photographers, Michael Jordan Smith and Jasmine Star where the two that stuck out to me, and they spoke of their own nerves.  I figured if they, with all their accomplishments and glory could be nervous then it was not only fitting but basically required that mine be acceptable :D

It is funny the things we hold back about ourselves because we are afraid of judgement.  How often we check and triple check ourselves to make sure we "fit the bill"... I wonder how much more we might get out of life if we just let ourselves out... exactly as we are.

So today I confess: I am a professional wedding photographer who is a bunch of nerves the night before every wedding!

What will you confess about yourself today?

Live. Love. Loud.

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