Not that it helps but I figured maybe it would let off steam. It's not so much that the goals are difficult or the heat is yet overwhelming but the constant looming of complete and utter change is terrifying. I mean, maybe I'm the only pregnant person in the world who feels this way but I'm more than overwhelmed at all the changes that are happening.
Part of me doesn't want to wish away the last 6 weeks but my back is throbbing with pleas of mercy. The temporary hurt of my back is not enjoyable but seems way more tangible and manageable then the existence of another human being that will forever change how life works. I get it is a little late to be wondering about all this but I'm not saying this is the first time I'm just saying the impending nature of the end just makes it all more imminent.
Photo thanks to Quotepictures.com
I would be lying if I didn't question what would happen next. Wonder at how having a child and my own business will work. Wonder at what I will have to sacrifice? As much as I'd like to say the superwoman in me will come out and nothing will be cut I can't help but know the truth... something will have to be trimmed.
I'm terrified to loose the momentum I've been building in my business... terrified to be be looked over because of the complication of pregnancy or having a new born.
I know dreams don't happen without work... without strife... without struggle. And if they do we don't appreciate them as much when it happens but part of me really wants the Disney reality. Can't a sing and birds dress me while mice clean my apartment? Can't I stroll gathering berries and get fairy godmothers who will make all my dreams come true?
Instead I sit here, knowing the truth and with a deep breath I plunge into today. Half a smile wedged to my face as I determine I, much like Gloria Gaynor, "will survive" and maybe even better yet strive!
It's time to wade on towards our goals. What will you do today to make yourself a step closer?
Live. Love. Loud.