Thursday, June 5, 2014

Will I be...?

Pregnant and business owner | How to deal with the unexpected crazy | Durham Wedding Photography I'm at a place now that I almost always feel like there are things in the air.  Like I'm trying to juggle but I can't seem to see the balls to know when I need to catch them.

We are four weeks away from our largest life change ever.  May has come to an end: can you believe it!?  Despite all the books we have read, the classes we have taken, the advice we have heeded I can't help but feel a bit lost in it all.  I mean as much as I know I am pregnant and that it was always going to end in a child... the reality of seeing how soon we are actually going to be responsible for a tiny person is a bit overwhelming.

Overwhelming for all the responsibility: if the kid becomes a psychopath they always look to the mom.  I'm scared of what it will change.  Will we ever just have alone trips again?  Will running my own business be put on a side burner?  How does shooting a 12 hour wedding day look like after the kid?

They are all questions we have thought through and discussed but the reality of actually facing them is far more daughtning then the speculation.  Chris is, I'm pretty sure the worlds most, easy going guy.  Whenever I address a concern he is always, "It will be fine.  You can't plan for everything"

It makes me laugh that the things I absolutely adore about Chris are also the things that make me want to scream at times.  "HOW DO YOU KNOW IT WILL BE FINE!!!"  But let's face it if we were both as OCD, planner, logical, particular as I am, we would have killed each other long ago.  (I'm telling you I have it easy... poor Chris has to deal with me! ;)

All the same, when you face the inevitable change you knew was coming it doesn't make it any easier.  Your thoughts and plans don't seem to make it flow more smoothly.  It is still intimidating, overwhelming and scary.  No matter if you are adding a new family member, starting a business or taking the next step in your dream.

Part of me wishes I could just see years down the road, all the mistakes and joy along the way, but then where would all the excitement be?  I swear we would get bored with life if we knew how it would look or turn out.

Live. Love. Loud.

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