Thursday, September 25, 2014

Confession: Lentils, hiding and new firsts

This weekend is my first wedding since Luna.  To be frank: I'm scared.  I'm excited too but I'm afraid.  To be fair I'm always excited and nervous before every wedding... doesn't seem to go away no matter how many weddings I do   But this time it is different...  It is layered.

There is the first wedding back after months away: will I be up to snuff?  Will giving birth somehow make me a less capable photographer?  Will I be lesser now?

The always present: Did I forget anything?  Looking and re-looking over the previous discourses and searching to make sure that all the knowledge has been gleamed.  Checking and rechecking my equipment.

Then there is Luna.  At the current moment the most time I have spent away from Luna is 1 hour.  Crazy I know but there has been no reason.  She is always with me.  I work from home with photography, outside of sessions of course, and with everything else she has just tagged along.  I have no idea what being away from her for so long will be like.  Will she be ok?  Will I???  I'm pretty sure she fare better than me.

I'm excited.  Excited to be back doing what I love.  Excited to celebrate with yet another amazing couple making a huge and rewarding decision to join their lives together!  Excited to grow and change both professionally and personally as I make this crazy journey that is life... yet at the same time I feel a bit like hiding behind my couch... maybe with a soft blanket and some snacks!

Why is it that you can have seemingly contradicting emotions?  Wouldn't it be nice if life... mankind... yourself was more simple?  I guess it wouldn't be as interesting but it sure would be easy!

So here is to deciding against snuggling up with some hummus and lentil chips (must be hungry) on a soft blanket behind the couch but instead taking on the unknown!  Strong, excited but a bit shaky.

Live. Love. Loud.

No comments:

Post a Comment