Thursday, May 7, 2015

Life Change

Oh my I have changed.

(This was taken about... 2 hours after I found out I was pregnant with Luna.)

I am still me but... I'm so different all at the same time.  Before I had a child I was a lot of things that are still here but I was rather... unfeeling?  We shall call it that.  I'm not a really emotional person, never have been.  Before Luna I lacked a deep amount of compassion or heart.  I wanted to be almost fully impenetrable and for the most part I was.  You can ask my family, most would say they never saw me cry and if they did it was very rare.  It was almost a pride thing for me.

If I didn't feel I couldn't hurt.  The statement sounds fair but the lie is deep.  When you don't feel you don't experience.

God, Chris and Luna changed my cold unfeeling heart instead of Joni Mitchell.

I feel weird every time my emotions "run away with me".  It feels strange, wrong but great at the same time.

I love feeling... mostly :D  It is nice to see hurt and hurt for them instead of ... being uncomfortable and wanting to run away.

I may experience more sorrow, tears and sadness but I also feel more joy then ever before.  Between learning to sacrifice so much of myself and those lovely hormones that come with motherhood: I feel.

It is nice; change is nice.

Live. Love. Loud.

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