Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Angsty Teenager once again.

I am stubborn.  Shocking I know to admit the blatant truth but it is there, so gasp if you must :D.  I find myself arguing with books I read, non-fiction to be clear... not having a tete a tete with a character from a Jane Austen novel.  But when I read something that hits home to me and I see myself in I sit there and I'm all "they don't get me".

I'm back to being 16 again where NO ONE understands your angst.  I might as well have dyed my hair, along with all of my clothing, black as a visual representation of all my hurt and pain.  I mean really.  I am that silly at moments.  I've been reading the same Timothy Keller book I mentioned before (yes, it is slow going, leave me alone I have a baby #don'tjudge) and it talks about self-centerness being an issue in relationships.  How when you look out for yourself you only embitter your relational partner.

It isn't rocket science here.  If you are serving yourself and focused on yourself everything that your relational counter part does that isn't serving you will kind of erk you and then it just piles on and on (since they are doing the exact same thing on the other end).  Yet this being told to my face that I'm selfish isn't a life ending realization... I knew it but I'm all "Don't judge me"  "My life is just so hard"  "you just don't understand" Despite be knowing the truth of the statement.

Why is that?  Why is my natural reaction to be all angst-y?  Why not just shake my head and say "Darn if it weren't true"?

I have a theory: it is because I'm selfish.  I know I'm selfish but that doesn't mean I like others pointing out this simple truth.  It is like when I had acne... I knew it, you sure as darn toot-in knew it but no one really addressed it...

But unlike acne (which can't always be helped), pointing out my selfishness only betters me... reminds me of how I should be making efforts to be selfless to those around me.  I mean God was selfless with me... how can I not share that?

So I guess... for today #judgeaway.

Live. Love. Loud.

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